Mental Well-being

I have been there, I know exactly what it feels like. The truth is I still struggle with this from time to time. Like many other mothers, I find it so very easy to forget to take care of my own mental well-being. Self care often finds itself on the back burner. I convince myself that obviously there is no way I can afford the time necessary to slow down for the purpose of self-care and nurturing my mental health. I hear a form of this same narrative so very often from the mothers I work with. Often when we do finally take time off, we are left laden with guilt. For many of us, somewhere in our mind lurks the belief that taking time out to care for our mental health is a selfish act.

Fortunately for us, science continues to prove that self-care is absolutely necessary to mental well-being, and that taking time off to take care of ones self is in fact an unselfish act, and  absolutely necessary.  It has been proven that we can only provide a sub par standard of care and support to others, if we have not cared for ourselves first. I always say to clients, that life should come with the same type of advice given by the cabin crew on an air plane. The sage advice given to all passengers is, that in the event of an emergency, passengers should ensure that their oxygen masks are on first before trying to help someone else. I have to admit that my instinctive childlike reaction to hearing this for the first time was to think ‘isn’t that a bit selfish?’ I later learned that it was far from selfish, rather it was imperative! If my mum tried to help me get my oxygen mask on without having oxygen herself, then she could easily run out of oxygen and that would leave the both of us in danger.  Much like an oxygen mask on an air plane, it is imperative that we as mothers ensure that self-care is high on our agenda, that we are continually caring for ourselves in order that we are able to care for others.

Below are 10 tips on taking care of your mental health. This is far from an exhaustive list, but instead a taster to an upcoming series where we will be talking about motherhood, self care and mental health. In the meantime I hope this short list will get you off to a great start on nurturing your own mental health.

1 – Recognise and acknowledge your feelings and emotions.

Figure out where they stem from. Disregarding negative emotions only causes the emotion to behave like a toddler needing attention. The emotion will fight even harder to be recognised and in the process cause potential havoc.

2- Practice gratitude

Robert Emmons, a leading gratitude researcher has concluded through his research, that gratitude successfully increases happiness and reduces depression. Gratitude also improves sleep, reduces stress and aggression and also helps with post traumatic resilience.

3- Practice expressive writing

A University of Austin Texas study by Dr. James W. Pennebaker, showed that writing about a traumatic or stressful event can prove to significantly improve the ability to cope post trauma. So take out your journal or a pen and paper and get to writing.Use this excellent printable journal to do your free, expressive writing.

4 – Stop allowing the past to control your present and future

Connect with your shadow; deal with difficult issues from your past, address self-limiting beliefs, seek out talk therapy, heal yourself.

5-  Find something bigger than yourself to believe in. Connect with a higher power.

Various scientific studies have associated spirituality with better well-being and overall mental health. Many studies have found that people devoted to a spiritual practice have fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety, as well as a better ability to cope with stress.

“Self care is not selfish” 

6 – Maintain good serotonin levels

Serotonin is the happy hormone, a monoamine neurotransmitter which means, It carries signals along and between nerves. It is important because it is believed to be responsible for maintaining mood balance, and that a deficit of serotonin leads to depression. Ways to boost  serotonin levels are, going outside to experience natural daylight,  exercise, eating  foods rich in tryptophan e.g chocolate (hmm no wonder), oats, dried dates,  cottage cheese,  fish,  sesame, chickpeas, almonds, sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, buckwheat, Spirulina, and peanuts, supplements B1, B2, B6 foliates.

7- Take a day off from work and parenting

HUH?! Yes! Find a suitable trusted person who will care for your child or children for an entire day. Make a ‘My happy’ list previous to your day off. On it you can add things like wake up late, binge watch my favourite TV shows, take a long warm bath, listen to my favourite playlist while dancing like no one is watching, read a good book, dress up and go out, book a massage, wear red lipstick, hang out with friends, go to my favourite cafe, exercise undisturbed. Then get each thing done. If you are a mum who is exhausted and needing some self-care this could result in you feeling like you’ve had a spa holiday. Make your ‘happy list’ realistic and achievable. If possible, have a ‘my happy list’ day once per month or once per quarter year.

8- Create a sacred space around you and be very intentional about who and what you let in it.

You know, you have these people who you’ve always had in your life, but they only seem to bring your pain, humiliation, and heartache. It seems like they use you as their emotional punching bag and they always cleverly find a way to balm you for the abuse that they have inflicted on you? You know that person right? I am sure you know who I’m talking about. It’s time to let them go Sugar! Keep toxic, manipulative, abusive people at bay. You are not a physical or emotional punching bag. You are not an emotional landfill for people’s toxicity. Its time to say NO! Actually #TimesUp for them too! You can love them from afar, that’s OK. Just do not let them into your sacred space. Be strong. Say NO. Give yourself a chance to like your beautiful life.

9- Practice doing at least one thing towards your own self-development each day

Read a book, watch a documentary, listen to a podcast while you do your chores, watch an empowering YouTube video, do a tutorial to learn a skill. Listen to an audio book. I recently started writing an ‘Ultimate To Do List’ it’s filled with self-development goals and things I’ve always wanted to do. It goes something like this; learn to speak a new language, take that fine arts painting course, learn to take better care of my hair, learn to prepare tastier vegan dishes, and everything in between. It’s a very long list and I am ticking them off as I go along. Just imagine how much I will accomplish by the end of the year if I keep ticking at least one thing off towards my self-development goals each day.  Just imagine how much knowledge you will have and how much you will accomplish if you were to get a self-development list together and take one step each day towards accomplishing those goals.

10- Find your tribe

Build a close network of trusted like-minded people around you. We thrive when we have found our tribe, when we love and are loved authentically we have the confidence to become who we truly are meant to be because of the security that we gain from this togetherness. A tribe is a shelter from the harsh realities and the frightening world. It is the container that holds us and makes us feel secure. It is the community of people we call home. People who have strong relationships are said to live longer more satisfying lives than those who do not. So find your tribe and love them.

Click HERE for a free printable of this mental well-being cheat sheet.

Look out for our upcoming series on mental well-being